alone

i’m afraid to make noise. 

because what if they hear me? 

i might make them annoyed or they’ll want to flee 

i’m afraid to be seen. 

just as i am

i’m afraid of even a glance

it’s only behind a closed door can i dance. 

i’m afraid to sit down. 

take a deep breath

to stop working, take a break 

and deeply not feel guilty or fake 

yet here i am scared 

of even being alone 

because that’s when i can hear and see MYSELF  

and my thoughts never cease to roam 

i cant be happy because what if they’re hurting 

but cant be too sad 

because if they see me, feel bad

i cant be energetic, giggly, or wear too big a smile 

they might get the wrong idea and think about me for a while  

cant be too strong 

cuz they might feel weak

but cant be too meek 

they’ll walk over me 

i cant be too quiet 

or they might not hear 

that the person who loves me regardless

is also calling them near 

(a really raw and icky photo i don’t want to share of me today while i was running and the start of this poem came to me the second i turned off my music)